Bold as love...

So I've been thinking about dating, lately. Mostly because I don't do it...at all. Literally, since I've moved back to New York in May I had not been on ONE date, excepting when I went out with a friend of a friend just the other night. Which has really sparked my thinking on the subject. I've always found it difficult meeting guys I want to date for reasons that never seem clear to me. I've been told that I have standards that are too high and little sense of adventure for diving face first into the world of random dating and meeting men at bars. My defense here is that I have very little patience for people I don't like and can't find a good reason to be around. Thus, I don't think it's really worth the free meal if it means I have to spend 3 hours hanging out with someone I can't stand. Mind you, this may sound extreme, but I like and get along with MOST people so this shouldn't really be that much of an issue. It just seems when romance is concerned things get very complicated, very quickly.

I'd been seeing this guy since August that's been a strictly friends who fool around scenario. Every few weeks I'll develop guilt about this situation, thinking that at the ripening age of 22 (soon to be 23), I should be seeking more from my interactions than a late night movie, a few shots, and strictly physical satisfaction. According to society, I SHOULD expect more from both myself and others. However, this situation is completely workable in terms of my life right now, especially considering the gentleman in question, with whom I have just enough in common to entertain us both during our brief trysts, but very little interest in beyond that. We all know what people say about relationships like this, how one person starts feeling differently and things go wrong, blah blah blah, but this is really not the case here. It's been going on long enough on a simple enough level that everyone is pretty much on the same page. Though I wish more guys believed that sometimes, women are REALLY only in it for the sex.

So aside from this welcome physical distraction, I haven't really been in a position to meet/date new guys. My free time is spent doing things of a theatrical nature (and lately, a LOT of yoga), so, like in college, my circle of new friends remains limited to a certain "artsy" demographic. When this friend of a friend called me to go out the other night, I thought 'My oh my...a date? What an interesting concept, and even an exciting one." So I meet up with this guy for a hookah and some wine in the East Village with an open mind. Right off the bat, he brings up something personal about me that he happened to know through our mutual friend, the fact that I don't know if I want to have children. This is sort of shocking, and a big deal, considering 5 minutes into my conversation with this guy, I'm forced to defend a position that it's taken me years to form my still changing opinion on. Mind you, I didn't even bring it up, but was PROMPTED to discuss it. It was awkward and took me a bit out of my element. We got past it though and proceeded to talk about ourselves and future plans and current events...usual new friend stuff, though I never really got past the feeling I was being silently judged by my new friend. I don't regret going out with him and getting to know another person, who happened to be incredibly smart and interesting even if I didn't feel a real romantic attraction to him. But none of this is the point.

He brought up how active his dating life had been since he'd moved to New York after going to school in Boston. I guess he'd put up a profile on some sort of internet dating service and has had at least a date or two a week since he's lived here. He seemed shocked to find that I have had the opposite experience, considering I'm a young, able bodied, fun loving, lady in our fair city who isn't all that difficult to look at and even less difficult to hang out with. He suggested I do the same and start experiencing some different people who I could be compatible with...or at least new restaurants in this bustling metropolis. Here's where all of my excuse-making comes in as I claim to lack the patience to deal with the "many duds I will meet before finding a stud" as my coworker, Jana, so cleverly puts it. Whilst discussing this with Jana, I came to a stunning realization. As far as dating is concerned, I expect the perfect guy (or perfect enough) to just waltz right through my door without my having to make any kind of effort at all. Essentially, I expect to have a functional relationship and thrilling sex life to be handed to me on a silver platter. When I compare this nonchalant attitude to my commitment and perspective regarding my acting career, I realize what's going on. I work on my acting repertoire and go on auditions ALL THE TIME. I submit headshots and resumes for things that are good or bad, things that might work out, or things I don't have a shot in hell at getting because it's all part of the experience and you never know when something might pay off. I spent MONTHS doing a show I didn't like because I needed and valued the EXPERIENCE. And I do all these things, and bust my butt mind you, because I really, really CARE about finding success in my art. In whatever form it manifests. And I realize now that this is how some people feel about dating. Because it is their top priority and so they work hard in hopes of finding something great because it REALLY matters to them.

And the new truth I've come up with...is that it doesn't really matter to me right now. Not as much as other things do, anyway. Not even enough for me to put any effort in at all. If I DID care, I'd probably be in a different situation. It's not like i'm going to deny something that comes along, or close myself off to opportunity if it should come a knockin'...but I don't feel the need to advertise myself in that way right now. And that's actually okay. So in the meantime, I'll deal with a dull friend with benefits, netflix, and my cat for company.

It IS too bad that the whole package, the guy who is fun and mentally stimulating enough to hang out with and also willing to sleep with me, isn't just waltzing into my little cave apartment anytime soon.
But i guess you can't have your cake and have sex with it too.