Monday, September 10, 2007

The TO DO List

-Volunteer my services to people who appreciate/need me.
Community service of some kind.
-Mainspring Collective. Start a new project. Do simultaneous projects. Do original projects. Make meetings happen and make the ideas born of these meanings a reality.
-Figure out how to get non-profit status...but also, money.
-Get behind everything I'm doing in my life with my whole heart.
-Take time for myself.
-Be good to my friends.
-Start writing...ANYTHING. and do it all the time.
-Manage time. Well.
-Meet a guy who plays guitar. Well.
-Tune guitar so it's ready when guy is discovered.
-Research. Research. Research. Devised theater project could be wonderful and happen SOON. Focus.
-Organize. Everything.
-Drink less.
-Read more. Cancel Netflix?
-Appreciate my pet. Buy her things occasionally.
-Get health insurance.
-Sleep in my bed in deep Brooklyn more. More often and more actual hours of sleep.
-10 Week Running Program.
-See more live music.
-Talk about an event for Mainspring Collective that could involve music AND art. Another fundraiser? Yes, please.
-Work at the Producer's Club like a rockstar. Make it incredibly popular and successful. Get paid. Quit La Villa.
-Get IPOD fixed.
-Make my world a better place to be.
-Write actual letters to Annie (and everyone who's far away?). Must consider cost of postage.
-Save money.
-Kick ass in Voice and Speech class.
-Learn how to successfully and effectively teach the above subject.
-Actively seek/create my own happiness.

Wow. Better get started tomorrow...

Thursday, March 1, 2007

at long last...

okay, so i clearly suck at updating my blog. now that we've established least i've set the bar low and from here on out, anything i happen to say might seem impressive. at least, that's what i'm aiming for.
so let's see. it's been a rather busy sort of month. it got really cold here in new york and rather than hibernate (which is my impulse whenever the temperature drops below 40 degrees) i've had to continue living the life of the grown up new yorker. this includes a whole lot of walking around and riding the train, which has not made me particularly happy. but with the help of yoga and a terrific carry along hot beverage container, things have been not nearly as bad as they could be. and now the snow is melting, so what's not to love?
of late, i've been involved with a production of 'cymbeline' (one of shakespeare's lesser known but absolutely enchanting plays) with a fledgling company know as the Brooklyn Repertory Shakespeare Company (check us out at This is excellent for many reasons, A) I really like the play, the director, the castmates I've worked with thus far, and the fact that the space is in Park Slope, incredibly close to La Villa B) We are the original repertory company and the plan is to do this series of Monday night Shakespeare plays in rep, meaning that after 8 weeks of performances of Cymbeline (only on Monday nights), we put up another show, and another, and so far and so on. Thus, my casting in this one show will most likely lead to a whole slew of Shakespeare involvement with this company should I do my job well/choose to stay with them. C) I can do other projects simultaneously because the performance commitment is limited. So I am very content with this situation at the moment. Additionally, I was cast in an Equity Showcase of a new play that goes up in Midtown for a Thurs-Sun run in April. My part in this play is not as challenging or appealing as my involvement in Cymbeline, but it's great exposure with a limited time commitment. Plus, should this play get picked up for production, I am in the original cast. So that's pretty cool. I don't start working on that til the second week of more info to come on how that process is working out.
Other than these things, I'm just hanging in...rocking my voice and speech class, getting my life organized, improving my yoga skills by leaps and bounds, and living like the way i please. I've subconsciously started living healthier, without really having to pay much mind to it, and this pleases me as well. The yoga makes me feel great and helping me get back into shape and I get mad at myself when I miss class. I manage to stay happy and motivated all the live long day. My weekends are taken up by working at la villa, though I've managed to work in some party time over the past few weeks (though after paying March's personal finances are suffering). I needs be leaving to attend Voice and Speech at the moment (which is kind of ridiculous seeing has how I have a nasty sinus infection and can barely breathe let alone speak properly). And I know that, despite the fact that I've updated, I've left out any juicy gossip that Amanda actually prefers when she finally sits down to read this. Thus, reader, I guarantee an addendum post later detailing my latest exploits in partying and romance (or marked lack thereof).

Til the next.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Bold as love...

So I've been thinking about dating, lately. Mostly because I don't do all. Literally, since I've moved back to New York in May I had not been on ONE date, excepting when I went out with a friend of a friend just the other night. Which has really sparked my thinking on the subject. I've always found it difficult meeting guys I want to date for reasons that never seem clear to me. I've been told that I have standards that are too high and little sense of adventure for diving face first into the world of random dating and meeting men at bars. My defense here is that I have very little patience for people I don't like and can't find a good reason to be around. Thus, I don't think it's really worth the free meal if it means I have to spend 3 hours hanging out with someone I can't stand. Mind you, this may sound extreme, but I like and get along with MOST people so this shouldn't really be that much of an issue. It just seems when romance is concerned things get very complicated, very quickly.

I'd been seeing this guy since August that's been a strictly friends who fool around scenario. Every few weeks I'll develop guilt about this situation, thinking that at the ripening age of 22 (soon to be 23), I should be seeking more from my interactions than a late night movie, a few shots, and strictly physical satisfaction. According to society, I SHOULD expect more from both myself and others. However, this situation is completely workable in terms of my life right now, especially considering the gentleman in question, with whom I have just enough in common to entertain us both during our brief trysts, but very little interest in beyond that. We all know what people say about relationships like this, how one person starts feeling differently and things go wrong, blah blah blah, but this is really not the case here. It's been going on long enough on a simple enough level that everyone is pretty much on the same page. Though I wish more guys believed that sometimes, women are REALLY only in it for the sex.

So aside from this welcome physical distraction, I haven't really been in a position to meet/date new guys. My free time is spent doing things of a theatrical nature (and lately, a LOT of yoga), so, like in college, my circle of new friends remains limited to a certain "artsy" demographic. When this friend of a friend called me to go out the other night, I thought 'My oh my...a date? What an interesting concept, and even an exciting one." So I meet up with this guy for a hookah and some wine in the East Village with an open mind. Right off the bat, he brings up something personal about me that he happened to know through our mutual friend, the fact that I don't know if I want to have children. This is sort of shocking, and a big deal, considering 5 minutes into my conversation with this guy, I'm forced to defend a position that it's taken me years to form my still changing opinion on. Mind you, I didn't even bring it up, but was PROMPTED to discuss it. It was awkward and took me a bit out of my element. We got past it though and proceeded to talk about ourselves and future plans and current events...usual new friend stuff, though I never really got past the feeling I was being silently judged by my new friend. I don't regret going out with him and getting to know another person, who happened to be incredibly smart and interesting even if I didn't feel a real romantic attraction to him. But none of this is the point.

He brought up how active his dating life had been since he'd moved to New York after going to school in Boston. I guess he'd put up a profile on some sort of internet dating service and has had at least a date or two a week since he's lived here. He seemed shocked to find that I have had the opposite experience, considering I'm a young, able bodied, fun loving, lady in our fair city who isn't all that difficult to look at and even less difficult to hang out with. He suggested I do the same and start experiencing some different people who I could be compatible with...or at least new restaurants in this bustling metropolis. Here's where all of my excuse-making comes in as I claim to lack the patience to deal with the "many duds I will meet before finding a stud" as my coworker, Jana, so cleverly puts it. Whilst discussing this with Jana, I came to a stunning realization. As far as dating is concerned, I expect the perfect guy (or perfect enough) to just waltz right through my door without my having to make any kind of effort at all. Essentially, I expect to have a functional relationship and thrilling sex life to be handed to me on a silver platter. When I compare this nonchalant attitude to my commitment and perspective regarding my acting career, I realize what's going on. I work on my acting repertoire and go on auditions ALL THE TIME. I submit headshots and resumes for things that are good or bad, things that might work out, or things I don't have a shot in hell at getting because it's all part of the experience and you never know when something might pay off. I spent MONTHS doing a show I didn't like because I needed and valued the EXPERIENCE. And I do all these things, and bust my butt mind you, because I really, really CARE about finding success in my art. In whatever form it manifests. And I realize now that this is how some people feel about dating. Because it is their top priority and so they work hard in hopes of finding something great because it REALLY matters to them.

And the new truth I've come up that it doesn't really matter to me right now. Not as much as other things do, anyway. Not even enough for me to put any effort in at all. If I DID care, I'd probably be in a different situation. It's not like i'm going to deny something that comes along, or close myself off to opportunity if it should come a knockin'...but I don't feel the need to advertise myself in that way right now. And that's actually okay. So in the meantime, I'll deal with a dull friend with benefits, netflix, and my cat for company.

It IS too bad that the whole package, the guy who is fun and mentally stimulating enough to hang out with and also willing to sleep with me, isn't just waltzing into my little cave apartment anytime soon.
But i guess you can't have your cake and have sex with it too.

Friday, January 19, 2007

"just a" comment or two

Ahhh another Friday morning, afternoon, and evening at La Villa. The place where I spend my weekends, working in the opposite pattern of life from most of my friends. Rather than slaving away 9-5 at an office job during the week (which would suck my energy and enthusiasm for pursuing my theater career), I opt to wait tables for 30 hours every weekend, when the rest of society goes on dates, drinks excessively, and kicks back to relax. This is not at all a bad deal, considering I manage to pull in a pretty penny for a minimal work week and can get a whole lot done during the week while everyone else wakes up at 6am to enter data or answer phones. That, plus all the free food and good company. I do feel an occasional pang, however, when I see all the young people enjoying eachother, especially out to dinner in a romantic sense. Mind you, no one ever asked me to dinner BEFORE the weekend workathon was in effect...but now that is what I like to blame it on to make myself feel better. I had a few different tables today acknowledge what a "nice, lovely, and charismatic person" I am...which is always a mite uncomfortable, because all you can do is say 'thank you' and find something to do somewhere else (where you I secretly grin and think about what a great waitress I am). Many of these comments were followed by inquiries as to whether or not I have another job, or alternate career. I frequently mention my goals in theater because it interests most people (especially yuppies from Park Slope), makes them feel closer to you (and helps with the tip), and you never know who might be able to help you out in the business. The response is usually positive, and leads to interesting conversation that allows me to share my interests and experiences, which breaks up the monotony of asking what kind of pasta a customer would like with his chicken parmesan. There is a more uncomfortable response, however, that I happened to encounter quite a few times today. This is the "I knew you weren't JUST a waitress" response. I mean, I understand that only good is meant here, usually, but at the same seems so condescending that people would consider what i do a "just a" profession. Mind you, I'm not insecure about my job or my status as a actor trying to make ends meet, but a lot of people at my restaurant have been working there a LONG time. and don't have other jobs. I don't think this makes them "just an" anything. And I think it's extremely stuck up for people to think that those in the service industry are inferior. It just pisses me off (one of the very few things that really do, actually) so think about that the next time you go out to eat.

in other news, tomorrow is an incredibly full day (even though i took off work). i have to get up at the ass crack of dawn (for someone who doesn't really start her day til 10am, at the earliest...this is like, 7:30) and attend not one, but TWO different auditions. both for new plays off broadway (i think) and i have quite a bit of nervous excitement about both. mostly because i haven't been to an audition since All Fall Down, all those many months ago and feel I may be a bit out or practice. either way, I'm going with Candace (my AFD friend) so at least I won't have to deal with a bunch of antsy actors I don't know heightening my anxiety. And no matter how they go, we can have delicious sushi lunch afterward. I do not look forward to it being the coldest day of the year tomorrow and me having to run around Manhattan like a marathon man. But we do what we must, and run to auditions in the freezing cold, than not attend any at all.

wish me luck!

(sorry a-lo, the relationship...or lack thereof post is upcoming. but that's a long one, and homegirl needs to get some sleep. though your post today about relationships and the nature of loneliness leading to settling in China motivates me to include my own musings on the same subject. on behalf of all 51% of us single women in the United States.)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


so the coming of the new year (in addition to my general opinion of how things are currently going for me in the supposed "real world") has had me thinking a lot about making changes. i'm usually very reluctant to make changes in my life, but lately i've felt the intense need to reformat myself in a positive way. and while this urge exists, i'm going with it full force. for starters, i dyed my hair black about a month ago (which may not seem like a big change, but you'd be shocked at what a change of hair color can do for the attitude). at first, i was a bit shocked and appalled by what seemed to me to be a dramatic change, but i believe it's growing on me. this, plus the whole, figure out what clothes and makeup compliment this change, have contributed to the more surface changes i've been incorporating. additionally, i'm trying to work on a more 'grown up', fashion forward wardrobe makeover a la new york city. apparently, i can't get away with the same kind of fashion don'ts that characterized my style in college and i'm on a mission to fix this. change your look, change your life....they say.

secondly, since I got back from memphis (a lovely weekend getaway full of sitting around, smoking too much, and watching tv, with a sprinkling of graceland and other rock and roll museums) i've been unintentionally detoxing. i just haven't the burning desire to drink or smoke very much since I've been back and this can only be a good thing, in my personal opinion. I feel physically better, I've been waking up earlier, and generally getting more done.

Last, but certainly not least, is this newfound obsession with yoga. Having enjoyed my status as hippie extraordinaire for quite some time and a former talent for various sorts of dance and similar physical activity, it seems weird that I have never gotten into the practice of yoga before. 2 weeks ago, I joined Yoga Works (a studio with locations throughout Manhattan) as a part of this sweet new student deal they were offering for the month of January. The offer was $25 for two weeks of unlimited classes at any of their studios. I figured, while I'm waiting for a show to come through and have nothing but time on my hands during the week (since I only work on the weekends) I might as well try something new that MIGHT actually help me get back into shape a bit. And being the sucker for a deal that I am, why not take 2 yoga/pilates classes a day for 2 weeks, when these things usually run for 20 bucks a pop. when i started this innocent experiment, i never could have imagined how taken i'd be with my new hobby. i absolutely love the classes i've been taking and can't remember the last time I felt so physically or emotionally open and in tune with myself. The teachers I've taken from have been incredibly passionate and understanding and the practice itself has brought me to this place of calmness and serenity that I haven't been able to find since I've moved back to the hustle and bustle of the city. I'm officially converted. Of course, I have to find someplace to take classes that isn't quite as expensive as Yoga Works, perhaps...but the more research I do, the more I find all sorts of yoga studios throughout the city that sound like really great places. there's even a studio that offers classes for suggested donations only, which sounds like a great community of people with an awesome mission statement ( another fun fact is that almost all of the people i've met at the studios are actors, or other people involved in the arts so there's a lot to talk about and people to trade information with. that along with the fact that everyone is happy and friendly and makes you want to put the same kind of positive energy out there in the world.

and the more you put out there, the more you get back...right? i think the key here is that i've been far more patient both with myself and with others the past few weeks. all of the questions and concerns that have been running rampant in my brain recently seem to have slowed down a bit, and i'm coming to realize that all i can really do is wait and see what happens. and try and remember to breathe.

Monday, January 15, 2007

a fresh start...

so i've joined the blogging trend. mostly because of peer pressure from amanda, but partially because i've been feeling the stirrings to rejoin the world of internet based journaling. and because i'm a giant loser. all of these things, aside...i shall bravely embark on this new adventure and hopefully entertain amanda (and myself...and possibly some anonymous others) with my musings. and here, is the first.
What with the recent arrival of 2007, I figure it's a time for new beginnings. First fresh start, post college, back in New York, pursuing a career, experiencing the trials and tribulations of the "real world", dealing with the adventures of foreign social situations...this is golden stuff. and well worth documenting for posterity's sake. that, plus all the helpful hints i'm bound to find along the way. i've got a good feeling about this year and all of the possibilities it holds. and i'll be 23 years old (we celebrated that birthday for one of us last night) which is apparently just a hop, skip and a jump away from old age. so i'd better enjoy my youth while it lasts.
of course, it's 2am, when i finally got around to this and i'm feeling tired and entirely the opposite of creative but at least i've got a start to work with now. and a self deprecating title. though, i find the term 'deep brooklyn' to describe my little slice of life close to sheepshead bay (or coney island for those of you unfamiliar with the lesser known areas of this fair borough) to be nothing but endearing.

i will come up with something interesting to post about tomorrow. probably regarding my new found passion for yoga.
excited? i sure am.